Kaminey!!! No impact all. 

I always wait till the next morning to pronounce judgement on a film I see. Usually, if it a film I really like (DevD, Caramel, others...), the scenes go eoundmy head when I sleep and I'm still analysing stuff when I wake up. All of the next day goes by with the movie playing around at the back of my brain. Its a unique pleasure, akin to listening to music you're really familiarly in love with.

But Kaminey was too much motion, too much noise. Not enough poignant moments. And the few that were there were rushed over. Shahid, Priyanka were great, so were the rest of the actors and the humour was refreshing for such a dark theme. 

And yes, maybe I am over-analysing it. But the thing is, you expect a lot from Vishal Bhardwaj, and when he doesn't deliver, its very deeply disappointing. The music was insightful though, and I will always bow low to Vishal for that particular talent that he has, of being able to merge themes, sounds and voices together to so closely complement his film scene!

Aside: Someone had got a 3-month old baby to the hall. Was imagining the kid growing up to be a let-down and the parents ruing the day they took baby pappu to see a move called Kaminey!!

Go organic!
Well. that's the latest fad in my life. And why not? I'm killing two birds with one stone-I'm moving a tiny step closer to being a green human, and i'm a trend setter in the latest fad to hit urban upwardly mobile India!
In the same week, my house has converted to pure organic cow's milk (that's exactly how the farm owner, also a friend, puts it) and to organic farm fresh salad veggies and herbs! How's that? Yes, it kind of burns a few more holes in the pocket, but boy, does it make you feel good!
That's the thing. Ultimately, everything is about feeling good. The entire objective of spending money is about making you feel good. I may feel good from getting natural veggies, you may feel good from eating junk food. Who's to judge which is the better indulgence?
And it's not as simple as you're you, I'm me either! Me gets a kick out of going organic and me gets a kick out of driving a diesel operated car as well! Contradictions galore....So maybe I'm just kidding myself when I say I'm going organic to move closer to nature and protect the fragile resources on Mother Earth. If I'm really true to myself, it's just about feeling good!

Spontaneity
After the longest time, and perhaps for the first time ever for some of us, we watched two movies in a row in the theaters last night. Not a super-exciting thing to do in itself. But what really pumpes the adrenalin was the sheer spontaneity of what we did. Doing things on impulse, without giving yourself the time to think and weigh the pros and cons, without any form of deliberation- that's something most of tend to throw away with our youth. Yes, spontaneity is something most of us admire secretly, but disdain in public. We put it down to the silliness of youth, the stupidity of unthinking people, the symptoms of a complexed self-centered mind.
But its not all of that, is it? Its just being fun, being free, being devoid of the worry of consequence. Its a feeling we all need to experience from time to time, to reinforce the joy of living, to convince ourselves that we still have the capacity to retain parts of our childhood personalities.
In our increasingly planned, yet ironically chaotic lives, it is a struggle to be truly spontaneous about anything. Yet we must try, by giving in to those tiny harmless impulses, by letting ourselves go, by setting ourselves free, for those short moments of time.
I experienced all of this last night thanks to the friends I was, the few on this planet with whom I can be so free, so myself, so unpretentious and uncomplicated. Vive la friendship!

Writer's block is not the only disease to plague a writer. There is also writer's sheer laziness. Which brings me to the point I intend to make today. It is not talent, not imagination, not desire, not passion, but sheer tenacity that makes a writer. The ability to hack away, or rather type away, regardless of state of mind, level of inspiration, mood....regardless of what other priorities appear. The ability to cut out laziness from life, to not indulge in self-doubt as an excuse to shirk, the quality of perseverance.
And it is this rather mundane quality that I lack. I can be single-minded, but only in spurts. I can be tenacious, but my patience runs out. I tell myself I am not convinced I can really write well, but I know thats a lie to disguise my lack of discipline.
Such self-realization has not, in my case, paved the way for self-improvement. Instead, it puts me into the complacent state of knowing my weaknesses and accepting them as they are. Perhaps I am simply not motivated enough to develop the qualities I need to write.
I will, someday. I believe there is a basic character we all have and then we have phases, dependent on age, stage of life, company, influences. I believe my life is still in flux, and I am the kind of person who thrives on that flux. So achieving stability to write is a particularly difficult thing.
Excuses, excuses..they are one too many.

I am taking my time to decide what my blog should be about. It might become a blog that contemplates blogging, though given the popularity of this activity, that may be nothing new either. I think, mostly, I am looking at substituting my personal diary (also something I indulged in for a long time, a long time ago) for this- a personal notepad that is open to all, except that most people I know would never go looking for it because they never ever blog!
What fun, to have an anonymity among so many thousands and yet always be open to disovery. In the days that I did write a diary, privacy was a big thing for me. It was really important to hide my thought, though I have always beena verbal person, so anyone who did read my diary would have read nothing that they had not heard. But the diary was personal and therefore special.
Today, things have changed. I am far more open, about my thoughts and feelings, as well as about the facts of my life. I know (and this is a let down, at best) that noone is really interested in knowing about my life. That is not sad, its just a fact. And it gives me a new-found freedom to do as I like and speak what I like, and now, write how I like.

I return to my blog after a long time with renewed enthusiasm to keep it going this time. A small kid and a super hectic work life have kept me away but as Udai (my child) grows and I find a little more mental space, I marvel at the lack of intellectual simulation in my life. The media and other stimulants are inane to say the least, but I seem to have forgotten to seek my own stimuli. To look for something good to read, to enjoy a conversation with someone intelligent, to write your heat out--these used to be things I thrived on. And now I find myself struggling o find my feet, or rather my own thoughts.
Young mother sundrome or hit-the-30s syndrome whatever it may be, I am now determined to get out of this. I can't change and become someone I would perceive as boring simply because I dont bother to take action
So here I am, a determined sort of person. Expect me to be here more often. I have just rediscovered me!

A whole new world of experiences has just opened up for me, not just through blogging but through the general experience of networking through the Internet. I have no doubts about how wonderful all this is, but I see myself spending more time doing this than what would qualify as work! That, for me, is an alarming thought. Efficiency at work has been my motto for a while now. I divide my time into distinct zones of work and leisure. So when I find myself going from place to newer place on the Internet, writing posts in all sorts of networks, mostly having fun, and then suddenly realising that it has been a few hours, it is nothing short of shocking. Intellectual stimulation, networking for business, we all need to do stuff other than work- are excuses that sound a bit weak considering that most of the time, all of us are on a tight leash as far as deadlines are concerned. Even so, the decision at my end is that I shall see how far this goes for a period of a month. Then, I will re-evaluate and decide on my future as a blogger and Intenet junky.